Mentoring and Toxic Workplaces

Recently I, along with several others, mentored a young analyst through an ugly situation of workplace misogyny. Although what occurred was not full-blown harassment, it was still enough to make her consider leaving.

Yet, many of us, both men and women, have experienced toxic managers.

The subtle games they use to show you who really has the power in the room.

These incidents can include but are not limited to:

• Work sabotage, interference, or stealing ideas and giving credit to another employee for them
• Exclusion from team meetings or happy hours
• Excessive performance monitoring or given incorrect deadlines
• Verbal abuse — snide remarks, targeted “jokes”, sexual comments, mockery, spreading rumors, or “innocent” questions intended to demean an employee’s professional capabilities
• Power plays by managers in toxic cultures such as asking women to take notes, to make coffee, or to welcome clients, then becoming angry if they refuse
• Singling out those who are different

According to a 2019 SHRM report, 20% of Americans leave their jobs because of company culture, costing the economy an estimated $223 billion. And if you know your firm will keep bad managers, it makes perfect sense to look for another job if you were being harassed or bullied.

So how did our analyst tackle her situation?

1. She documented each interaction, keeping detailed notes of the comments and the fellow workers present.
2. She reached out to others confidentially to confirm their experiences with the same difficult people.
3. She made sure to always have a witness in the room and never be alone.
4. She confirmed company policy about harassment.
5. She took extra care to be beyond reproach, keeping each conversation on a professional footing.
6. She made use of her mentors within the firm to shore support and external mentors to verify if this behavior was indeed unacceptable.
7. She kept quiet as she prepared the groundwork to leave her division.
8. And finally she worked with HR to be moved.

Although she achieved her goal, she experienced severe anxiety and sleepless nights for weeks, wondering if she should leave. At times, she doubted herself and questioned if this was normal behavior. Why didn’t the others in the room speak up?

I couldn’t answer her.

Many of us know both men and women who early in their careers have witnessed wrongdoing or dubious practices. When they questioned management, they were either told to not make waves or shown the door. And despite their gut feelings, many stayed, wondering if this too was “normal” for companies.

Without the help of more experienced professionals to view a questionable situation, how can we confirm workplace bullying or subtle harassment if we’re new to the workforce?

1. Cultivate mentors within your field and outside of it, both male and female, that you can rely on for advice. Their professional experience dealing with difficult people and situations will be invaluable to you.
2. Don’t assume bad behavior or questionable practices are normal. They are not.
3. Ask questions, watch behavior and subsequent responses. If your gut instinct continues to say something is wrong, it probably is. Quietly document everything.
4. Know your options within the company. Ask yourself if you see yourself there in 2 years or less if the current management/culture remains. Prepare accordingly.
5. Check Glassdoor.com for company reviews and others’ experiences concerning a particular corporation.
6. Know that it’s not just you. Even the most seasoned professionals can be duped or railroaded by bad bosses. I have seen many brilliant senior executives with years of exemplary performance given the boot, harassed and bullied because their boss/es was threatened by their track record, intelligence or experience.

So be strategic in these difficult situations, rely on your mentors and carefully decide how you respond.